The snow was falling outside the window, gently falling upon the snow that has already piled up. I just sat in the window watching it drift to the ground. It was perfectly untouched.
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing. I just can’t sleep.”
“Go lay back down.”
“I don’t think I need to,” I replied sharply.
The room went silent again and the snow had stopped, I could hear the snow plows and salt trucks coming up the roads. The houses were slowly coming alive. It must have been around 5 am, the businessmen had to go to work, soon the children would come out and destroy the perfect snow in the yard, even mine.
“Stop sitting there.”
“Why should I? I don’t want to be social.”
“You are wasting away up here.”
“No I am not. I have plenty of friends.”
“Yes, on the internet. You made me take you out of school,” my mother said.
“I am fine.”
“No, you are not. You sit in here all day long.”
“I have school work to do and that takes awhile. It is not like my ‘friends’ are out of school yet either.”
“Fine. Please clean yourself up and begin your class work,” my mother said as she closed the door.
I looked out the window one last time. I know my mother will leave for work shortly. She always checks on me before she leaves.
“It is because she cares.”
“Who asked you?”
“I can stop if you want.”
“I don’t want you here right now.”
I sat down at the desk and started my online classes. I graduated early because I home schooled myself. Now I am officially in college.
“Not really. You don’t leave the house.”
My classes were generally easy and it felt like I was still in high school but it is only freshmen year so I didn’t expect much. My thoughts kept wandering to the snow outside. How cold it would be on my skin. The cold that I could actually feel.
“Then go outside.”
I shrugged off that thought and went back to my school work.
“You are no fun.”
“Stop. I don’t want you to talk.”
“Why not? I am your only friend.”
My school work took up the rest of the morning and through the afternoon. As the school buses pulled up I finally was done with lectures and studying.
“Go outside and make some friends.”
“Play in the snow?”
“Why don’t you let some of these pent up emotions go? Let yourself be young.”
“Stop talking to me. I don’t need you.”
“Yes, you do.”
I sat in the window for awhile longer but I finally decided to go outside I thought the cold could make me feel normal, alive, careless.
“You can’t be normal.”
“Yes, I can. You could go away.”
“Why would I?”
“I don’t need you.”
I lay in the snow letting the cold soak into my body. Making me feel alive.
“You are going to freeze.”
“I will be fine.”
“Frost bite. Hospitals. Losing body parts.”
“Stop telling me these things.”
“I am trying to help you.”
“You are driving me insane.”
“Who is laughing?”
“It’s getting colder.”
“No its not. Maybe if it gets cold enough you will stop talking.”
“That will never happen.”
“It could. I don’t need you anymore.”
“Lies. All the lies and slander.”
“Tell me something I want to hear.’
“There is nothing you want to hear.”
“There is nothing to say then.”
“Then why do you keep talking to me?”
“To talk. To remind you that I am still here.”
“I can’t forget.”
“I am doing my job right then.”
“Why do I need you again?’
“Someone to understand. Someone to listen. To keep you rational and functioning.”
“You keep me rational and functioning?”
“Can you hear the kids? Of course I do, no one else can.”
“I can hear them. I should go.”
“Why? You are in your yard. Just relax and loose more toes and fingers.”
“Leave me alone. It isn’t that cold.”
“Are you sure? We have been here for awhile. A good five hours.”
“Yeah, I feel numb. Out of my body.”
“Are you sure you are still part of that body.”
“What do you mean? Nothing is wrong!”
“Fine. Believe what you want.”
“The sun is gone, I just realized.”
“Yes it is. The kids are all going inside, that is what you hear.”
“No it couldn’t be that long.”
“It has been.”
“I am going away.’
“Please don’t,” I mutter on faint breathe.